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The Gamer's SoapBox #2
by Chad Phillips
Not long before the year passed, I felt a disturbance. It was as if millions of gamers suddenly cried out in immense pain and then were silenced. Those that can really call themselves gamers and ended up at least seeing commercials for the second annual atrocious Spike TV gaming awards show felt something inside themselves die. It’s not that being a gamer is an exclusive club, or that those that can call themselves true gamers are angry that gaming seems to have gone mainstream. No, it’s not that. Okay, well, maybe it’s a little bit of that. You see, those of us that have enjoyed a game and loved it for what it was, not some cheap quick entertainment on an Xbox you only bought because it’d be another thing to make a drinking game with, should be marching on the marketing morons that started the abomination that are these “awards.”
I’d like to start off with the nominated games. The titles that Spike TV allowed “you” to vote for are, in general, very popular and advertised games. These are the massive, hyped games that even the most game-ignorant consumer has heard of. Sure, many of them are worthy of being nominated, but some seem to have been placed in categories made up just so they could get the crowd to scream out and collectively spill their martinis at something they recognize being selected for a worthless award. It’s as if Spike took a bunch of their “top” pop-culture marketing professors and they thought, “Well, we pretty much have absolutely no clue what we’re doing concerning games, but a LOT of crap looks better than a LITTLE crap, right? I mean, more is totally better. Here’s what we do: Let’s make up as many obscure categories to give awards out for. The Oscars/Emmy’s/Grammy’s/All-Other-Awards-Shows-In-History did it, so can we!”
Categories such as “Best Voice Acting” and “Most Xtreme Mountain Dew-gasm” were the highlights of the pathetic excuse for entertainment. Not only had they thought up every kind of award from “Coolest Band That Had One of Their Songs In The Soundtrack” to “Cyber Video Vixen” (Rayne from Bloodrayne won that one... it’s even on their site) they decided one more that was sponsored by Mountain Dew wouldn’t hurt. After all, it’s another category and I’m sure Pepsi was just shoveling money in Spike’s direction for it.
In addition to ruining gaming as a whole, the entire event was a commercial for several “hip” products. In addition to the Dew-humping, Spike had a random sports star taking pictures with his camera phone. Oh wait, excuse me, it was his “Virgin T-Mobile Picture Phone™.” Then again, in between this giant commercial were more commercials for the same annoying products. What happened to the idea that gamers were clammy, pale, nervous, social outcasts that know nothing about pop culture? Sure, that’s not true, but Spike was trying to pass the gaming culture off as just a subset of the obscenely fake “fratboy” party life of slick, shiney gadgets, hiphop music, and alcohol. I didn’t realize that being a technophile was such a cool thing to be. I sure didn’t get any positive feedback when I started flashing my uber PDA in public. Come on, where’s all this love and popularity I’m not getting for being so hip?
In my last and final rant about the glorious cascading disaster, I want to talk to you, Mr. Snoop Dogg. I want to speak not only you, but all the other rappers and hiphop artists that made up the 40% of the show that wasn’t saturated with advertisements and endorsements. Spike should have named the show, “The Super Hip Rapping Hour with a Side of What We Like to Think is Gaming.” Maybe that was just too long and they decided against it. I mean, their viewers need to have something simple to remember if they are to roll their eyes into the back of their heads, lurch to the closest Best Buy and like consumer whore zombies, throw cash at the counter.
Ah, that feels better. I’ve let my wild rant free and now you’ve wasted the last ten minutes (or in an average Spike TV viewer’s case, half an hour) of your life. This was more than just a rant about the particular show, but how some companies are treating gaming as just another fad for the “popular kids” to cling to, leech and move on. Gaming is a hobby of love, and no matter how casual you are, if you like to play games for yourself, please go ahead and proudly announce, “I’m a gamer!” After all, it’s about the fun and sharing the experiences with fellow gamers. It’s not about being cool or fitting in because you’ve played the next biggest gaming phenomenon.
A touching moment, that is, really. I’m not normally that serious, but when we continue to see games become soulless, mass-marketed disks that were completed just to appeal to the general public I cannot sit on my laurels. People like Hideo Kojima, Miyamoto, Naughty Dog, Insomniac Games, and many other developers put their heart and soul into making an overall innovative, exciting, and pleasing piece of art. These people should be celebrated and I wish them and more continued to success. Without innovation, gamers will lose what we cherish so much. Dare I say we may see gaming turn into something like modern television shows? I shudder at the thought.
Until next time, Keep playing.
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